10 Things I’ve Learned from Three Failed Marriages, Part 1: Never Tire of Holding Hands

©2012 Cris Coleman All Rights Reserced

At first glance, one might wonder just how much a person can learn, let alone teach, from having been married and divorced three times. That’s not what I would call a good track record by any stretch of the imagination.

But appearances can be deceiving. You see, I really have learned a few things. Failure is often the best teacher, after all, providing a person is willing to learn.

Unfortunately, some people are more willing than able. So, for some people, learning takes a lot longer. Such is my case.

You see, I still have issues, such as being not able to trust—too many heartaches still too fresh on my mind, if you know what I mean.

Nevertheless, what I have learned can help others keep their marriages fresh and vibrant, if adhered to—sincerely and honestly—and . . . if one is willing to have an open mind and heart.


Good Music Never Dies—It Doesn’t Even Grow Old

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

Last night I listened to an old CD. Well, the CD wasn’t so old, but the music was. Yet, even though the music was old—45 years old!—it was as refreshing and exciting as it was the first time I heard it.

The music was and is “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” by the then hottest band in the world, The Beatles. But you knew that.

When the album was first released I was serving my country in the United States Air Force, stationed at Travis Air Force Base, California, the jumping off place for those who were fated to be shipped to Viet Nam.

Fortunately, before my unit got sent to Nam, I cross-trained into another unit—the 7th Air Force Headquarters. They weren’t going anywhere!

In My Case, Lucid Dreams Aren’t All What They’re Cracked up to Be

View of episode 53 vent active on south flank of Pu`u `O`o, Kilauea, Hawaii. Photograph by C. Heliker on February 21, 1993. Courtesy of USGS

I’ve long had an interest in dreaming, and in particular, lucid dreams. For those of you who might not be familiar with the concept of lucid dreaming, I offer the following definition from the Lucid Dreaming / How to Lucid Dream website:

Lucid dreaming is the ability to become aware that you are awake whilst you are still within your dream.

Basically, what this means is: Say you’re in the midst of walking down the street in the midst of a typical dream., if there is such a thing. All of a sudden you realize that you’re actually dreaming. This may be due to something seeming out of place, such as a bear walking down the middle of the street on its hind legs. Or, as in my case, you just have the inspired thought out of the blue, “Hey, I’m dreaming.”

What Do Your Dreams Have in Store for You?

©2011 Cris Coleman

The other night I was listening to a “dream coach” being interviewed by George Noory on a Coast to Coast AM radio podcast. That got me thinking about dreams and dream interpretations, as the guest was doing a lot of dream interpretations with callers.

Dream Dictionaries

There are a lot of books “out there” that deal with dreams, many of which seek to be the end-all of dream interpretations. Sometimes these books, with their dream dictionaries, can be helpful. Other times the symbol definitions are just a hodgepodge of mumbo jumbo, without much thought given to them. Or, if they’re Freudian-based, they will all somehow point back to some aspect of sexual matters and behaviors.

A dream dictionary will often have everything imaginable represented as some sort of dream symbol. Each of these symbols will then have one or more meanings attached to it. They may or may not be relevant to you.

Growing Up Alone . . . And Life Goes On

San Francisco Nob Hill photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

I think I was ten years old when I saw the movie King Kong on our old black and white television in Sacramento, California . . . a long, long, long time ago. It scared me silly.

Back then, I wasn’t able to distinguish between reality and fantasy, at least while watching television or a movie. Now, I have difficulty distinguishing between reality and fantasy whenever I watch the evening news on television—which is why I’ve quit watching it.

In those days of yore, however, I was very, very, very naïve. Now, I’m just plain naïve.

In short, I believed everything anyone ever told me. I still tend to do that, at least until proven wrong—benefit of the doubt and all that. After all, I had (and have) no reason to question what was (and is) being told me. Unless the source is some faction of government.

“Bad, Bad Winter”

Putting up hay with Mormon hay stacker, Box Elder County, Utah, circa 1940. Photographed by Russell Lee, 1903-1986. Photo courtesy of the Library of Congress.

“KANSAS LEGEND tells of a pioneer rancher who spent the summer making a huge stack of hay to feed his cows through the winter,” relates Field Editor Karen Ann Bland of Gove, Kansas. “When he thought he had enough, he sent his son to ask a wise old Indian chief what kind of winter to expect.

“The chief solemnly shook his head and said, ‘Bad!’

“Alarmed, the rancher made even more hay, then sent his son back for an updated forecast. ‘Very bad!’ the chief said.

“So the rancher desperately made still more hay, then sent his son back to the chief. ‘Bad, bad winter. Much cold. Deep snow for many moons,’ he warned ominously.

“Impressed and worried, the son finally asked, ‘Please tell me: How do you know this?’

“The chief pointed toward the family’s distant ranch and said, ‘Because white man make much hay.’ “
—Country magazine, October/November 2006.

This is only ONE reason I love Country magazine.

No, I don’t work for the magazine, but that would be an ideal job, if there is such a thing as an ideal job.

Perhaps one day I shall share some other reasons why I love Country magazine when I’m stuck for something to say. Well, I’m not really stuck for something to say. I just read this and had a good laugh and wanted to share it with you. It caught me so off guard, as I hope it did you.

Have a great day!

Peril Atop Mount Timpanogas: An Adventure to Last a Lifetime

Mount Timpanogas viewed from the east. Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons (All my photos were destroyed by water)

Five o’clock came early on that fateful morning of November 22, 1976.

Misty puffs of air from my breath fogged everything around me as I peered through the small opening in my uncomfortable sleeping bag. Well, the bag wasn’t so much uncomfortable as the ground beneath.

You see, during the night, a herd of small, hard stones had conspired to gather together underneath me. You recall the story of the Princess and the Pea? Well, it was like that, only I didn’t have twenty mattresses and twenty feather beds under me, just twenty jagged-edged stones.

I was lying half-way up the 11,700-foot plus Mount Timpanogas, about an hour’s drive south of Salt Lake City, Utah, along with a group of young college students from my church. I was the oldest college student of the group, being past the normal college age.

Missing Time, Or Was It Brain Freeze?

Collage created from public domain images courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

This morning I listened to a podcast of the April 6, 2012 Coast to Coast AM radio show. It featured Von Braschler, who discussed the “Secrets of Time” with the host, George Noory.

As I was listening, I recalled a strange event that happened to me while I was waiting for a bus about 14 or 15 years ago in Murray, Utah, a city about six miles south of Salt Lake City.

I was waiting for my bus outside a large mall. As I was about 15 minutes early, I decided to go inside one of the department stores and check out the CD racks for a few minutes. I hadn’t been there long when a lady clerk came up to me and asked if she could help me find something.

I told her, no, thank you, I was fine. I then picked up a CD and started looking at it.

Easter Bunny, Really???

Public domain image courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

You know, I think most people out of habit say, “Happy Easter”, when it comes to “celebrating” Easter Sunday. I would modify that to say, “Have a reflective Easter.”

I’m probably an odd ball (okay, no probably about it), but I don’t think Easter is meant to be a happy holiday, at least not in the sense “Have a happy Holiday” is normally used.

Easter is a special holiday because of its Christian influence, except today it has become somewhat of a pagan holiday. I mean, we have dyed Easter eggs, the Easter bunny who somehow comes up with all these billions of multi-colored hard-boiled eggs every year, chocolate Easter bunnies, little foil-wrapped chocolate Easter eggs, little yellow spongy duckies, Easter baskets and so forth.

I Can Forgive, But I Can’t Forget

Angry Woman by Vera Kratochvil
Public domain image courtesy of http://www.publicdomainpictures.net

Have you ever heard someone say, “I can forgive, but I can’t forget”? Perhaps you’ve said it yourself.

I know I’ve heard people say that and it makes me wonder: What’s forgiveness all about if it’s not about forgetting?

We’ve all had people do or say things to us that got our hackles up. It may have even made us angry and resentful, perhaps even hateful and vengeful.

The problem with this is that it has a deleterious effect on our bodies and our psyches. The longer we hang onto these feelings, the more of a negative effect they have on us.

If we say we forgive a person or persons for whatever they did or said, but we don’t forget, then we are only fooling ourselves. Our minds may say we indeed forgive, but our bodies, which hold onto the old negative feelings, continue to remember. And that’s not good.

Here’s the thing: In continuing to remember, those negative feelings continue to affect our bodies and our psyches.

On the other hand, the forgiven but unforgotten goes on his or her way completely unaffected by whatever we are experiencing. They’ve probably even forgotten whatever it was he or she said or did that affected us in a negative way. Thus, the only person who is likely hurt by our forgiving but not forgetting attitude is us.

Here’s what dictionary.com says about the verb forgive:

  1. to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
  2. to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
  3. to grant pardon to (a person).
  4. to cease to feel resentment against: to forgive one’s enemies (emphasis mine).
  5. to cancel an indebtedness or liability of: to forgive the interest owed on a loan.

Without getting religious, I wish to quote one scripture that illustrates what I’m talking about.

“And they shall teach no more every man his neighbour, and every man his brother, saying, Know the Lord: for they shall all know me, from the least of them unto the greatest of them, saith the Lord: for I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.” (Jeremiah 31:34.)

While we say we forgive but can’t forget, our subconscious behavior will betray us every time. It may not be today, it may not be tomorrow, but sometime in the future, all will come out. It may come out in a sudden burst of temper or outrage against the person we had supposedly forgiven or a snub or whatever. We may not even know what caused our sudden behavior. But our bodies know.

What it all boils down to is this: Where there is no forgetting, there is no forgiveness. We can lie to ourselves to comfort our ego, but we can’t lie to our bodies. They remember everything.

If we say we forgive, then we need to forget, as though the thing never happened. There is no other way.

But remember this one thing: When I say forget, I am not talking about mental forgetting, for we will remember things in our minds. I’m talking about releasing the feelings that cause our bodies to remember in very unhealthy ways. Releasing those feelings will cause our bodies to forget, which will allow our psyches to heal.

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