10 Things I’ve Learned from Three Failed Marriages, Part 1: Never Tire of Holding Hands

©2012 Cris Coleman All Rights Reserced

At first glance, one might wonder just how much a person can learn, let alone teach, from having been married and divorced three times. That’s not what I would call a good track record by any stretch of the imagination.

But appearances can be deceiving. You see, I really have learned a few things. Failure is often the best teacher, after all, providing a person is willing to learn.

Unfortunately, some people are more willing than able. So, for some people, learning takes a lot longer. Such is my case.

You see, I still have issues, such as being not able to trust—too many heartaches still too fresh on my mind, if you know what I mean.

Nevertheless, what I have learned can help others keep their marriages fresh and vibrant, if adhered to—sincerely and honestly—and . . . if one is willing to have an open mind and heart.

But the following are not all of the things I’ve learned by any means, but they will do for now.

10 Things I’ve Learned

Listed in no particular order are ten things I wish I had known (and had been able to incorporate) way back when. Of course, these are not tried and true principles in my own life (I am, after all, still single), but I they are pretty well time-tested in the lives of other more happy couples, at least, from what I’ve read and heard.

Some are little things, some are a bit larger in scope, but all are important in the success of a marital relationship, at least from my perspective.

The ideas contained herein are unisex. That is, they may be applied more or less equally between the two sexes. Any differences, should they arise, will be so noted.

Thing One: Never Tire of Holding Hands.

Admittedly, this is one of those little things I spoke of, but there’s something special and magical about holding hands with the one you love. I don’t think you’d find much argument from too many happy couples.

I believe holding hands is the connection point between two hearts. It opens up heart-to-heart communication.

Realize, I’m not speaking of hormone-to-hormone communication. That’s something entirely different . . . and with a different end in mind in most cases.

You see, holding hands doesn’t have to have an end in mind. It’s an outgrowth of two people who “really and sincerely” (to quote an old Bee Gees song) love each other.

Certainly, holding hands can lead to hormonal communication, but that’s not its intent under normal circumstances of just being together.

Holding hands can be light-hearted, such as walking down a tree-lined lane, for example. Or it can be a comforting addition to just snuggling on the couch . . . with nothing more in mind than being in each other’s company. It can be silly, with wildly (or not) swinging arms in tandem while walking in the park. Make up your own method.

Whatever the case, holding hands is a surefire way to add romance (did I say romance?) to a marriage.

Yes, every marriage should have romance. Without romance, a marriage is just two people living together. Period.

And sex isn’t romance. It’s an outgrowth of true love and/or hormones. However, I think most of today’s sex is more hormonal-driven than an outgrowth of true love, if one is to believe what one sees on television and in the movies and with song.

These, not parents, are the true sex teachers for most people, I believe. You want more than that. Trust me.

When the Light Goes Out

What do you do if you don’t feel comfortable holding hands or have maybe lost some of the spark from your marriage?

Well, silly, get comfortable.

You do that by working toward getting that spark back. If you don’t feel comfortable holding hands, then likely you’ve lost that spark of initial attraction.

Remember what attracted you to each other to begin with. And above all, both of you get rid of the emotional baggage that makes you feel uncomfortable or sparkless.

Getting rid of emotional baggage is not an easy thing to do, but it’s necessary, not only for a marriage, but for everyday personal living. Everything goes better when you’ve gotten rid of your emotional baggage.

There are many superior methods of getting rid of emotional baggage, one of the best being The Emotion Code, by Dr. Bradley Nelson. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), and EFT Universe are two more.

Holding hands isn’t the only way to connect two people heart-to-heart, but it is, I think, an overlooked one.

When you stop holding hands with your wife/husband, or holding hands ceases to be special, it’s an early warning system that something special has gone out of your marriage. It’s a sign that your marriage is headed for the proverbial rocks, if something isn’t done to right the rocking boat.

When special little things in a marriage lose their flavor, it’s a sign of egos going their separate ways. Don’t let it happen to you.

9 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. dionnemast
    Nov 15, 2012 @ 21:23:43

    Holding hands is also a way for us to come back together when we’ve disagreed. Good post! 🙂


  2. beverley
    Nov 16, 2012 @ 04:16:53

    It is one of things i miss. However my ex was too busy holding other women’s hands


    • Cris
      Nov 16, 2012 @ 07:28:26


      I had that happen in my first marriage. Best friend-wife, much more than holding hands, though. Wife said she wanted to see what it was like. Double ouch!

      I wasn’t very educated in husbandly ways at the time, or any other way, as far as that goes. Very naive and trusting.

      But life happens and one has to learn to roll with the punches or he/she’ll get bruised and buried, and not necessarily from external sources, if you know what I mean.


  3. katebortell
    Dec 15, 2013 @ 21:48:19

    Hey Cris. So i read all of the parts you have listed so far. Great stuff and somehow overlooked by so many people. What the heck? I dont know why but it is. Simple things can speak volumes, three little words, holding hands and respect respect respect!! I am very blessed that we made it through out turmoil to the other aide and now I wonder what on earth was wrong with us? We have something wonderful but all i could see was what we didnt have for quite some time. I finally began to see what we did have AND he had to make a conscious effort to step up his part of the partnership. Its not easy.
    I love this Cris. I hope many women ( and men!) read this. Great job.


    • Cris
      Dec 15, 2013 @ 22:19:35

      Thank you very much for your comment and for taking the time to read all those posts. Sometimes, you write stuff and you never know whether or not anyone will read them. So, when occasion presents itself, I advertise. 🙂 I appreciate your sentiment. Thanks. 🙂


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